When I was sixteen, I was broken in ways I did not have language to name. I was hiding childhood sexual abuse that shaped my pain and brought confusion.
I mistook intensity for intimacy in most of my relationships, and I felt I had to cover all of that with perfection. If I looked perfect on the outside, maybe everything on the inside would go unseen.
Sweet sixteen did not feel sweet at all. Looking back, I was in survival mode.
Fast forward to sweet sixty. I am still aware of the broken places, but I have come to know the One who heals wounds and loves me without conditions. At sixteen, I could never have imagined that the goal of my life at sixty would be to live with Jesus with my whole heart, mind, and soul. And yet, here I am.
I no longer hide my story. I speak about the wounds that were inflicted on me and the long, uneven journey of learning to forgive, not always easily, and to allow God to heal what I could not fix.
My relationships are now what I once longed for: intimate, honest, and life-giving.
My husband knows me, often better than I know myself. We have discovered each other over decades, sharing fears, dreams, and lots of laughter. Sometimes he even makes me snort-laugh in public.
My family, whom I refer to as my “Big Fat Irish-German and Everything in Between Family,” is big, loud, and involved in each other’s lives, at times a little too much.
We go out of our way to spend time together, and every visit picks up right where the last one left off.
When someone tries to leave, we chase them down and make sure they know they are loved.
When I was sixteen, there were families I admired. I remember thinking, if my family could just be like theirs, my life would be perfect.
At sixty, I recognize that perfect families do not exist. Every family carries some form of dysfunction. Rather than focusing on dysfunction, I try to focus on the solution. His name is Jesus. I am learning to study the way He did relationships. He is the master of healthy human connection and I am His student.
I am no longer trying to control everyone else. I am learning to simply take responsibility for myself.
There are hurt feelings and conflict at times, along with deep connection and growth. My family sharpens me. They remind me that life does not always have to go my way. They make me better.
And then there are my best friends, women who know everything about me, and they still love me. Their love is unconditional.
At sixteen, girlfriends felt like competition. At sixty, they are companions. They bring flowers, take me to elegant French dinners, send words of affirmation, and call out the real me, the woman God created me to be.
I no longer feel the need to be perfect or look perfect. My face carries lines and wrinkles that tell the truth of my life. I accept them. Well, maybe I still use a little vitamin C now and then.
I love my sixty-year-old body. My body has carried life. Nine babies lived within my womb. Five we lost before they were born, and not a day passes without remembering them and telling them how much I miss them.
And then there are the four who lived, who grew, and now live with the strength and goodness we imparted through their childhood.
They carry a bit of their Pittsburgh father and their Adirondack mother. Their childhood was not perfect and not without conflict, but we loved them as best we could, and we ask forgiveness when they share the hurt we caused.
These amazing human beings we birthed are now giving life to the next generation, our four “Ringergrands,” who bring endless joy. Each of them invites me to ask God for more and more. God, give me double digits of this scrumptiousness.
At sixteen, I longed for this life, even though I could not imagine such a future. That life felt too far beyond reach. I have learned something I wish I had known then: my life is God’s gift. I do not have to earn anything.
I only have to receive this gift.
So I welcome this sixtieth year with curiosity about what comes next.
More healing? More intimacy? More snort laughs?
Yes, God.
To everything You have for me, I say yes.
An Invitation for You
And perhaps that is what I am learning most in this season: healing is not a destination we finally arrive at, but an ongoing invitation into deeper connection with God, ourselves, and one another.
That journey of learning to live connected to His presence is one of the reasons we are hosting The Immanuel Experience next month.
If you are longing for deeper healing, freedom, spiritual renewal, or simply a deeper walk with God, I would love for you to join us.
The Immanuel Experience: A Day Retreat
Longing for spiritual renewal or healing? Join us for a transformative one-day retreat designed to help you walk with God more deeply.
Date: June 13
Location: The Burn House, Harrison Street, Leesburg, VA
Cost: Free
Open to all seeking a deeper relationship with God—whether you’re new to faith or have been on the journey for years.
Invite a friend and join us for a day of transformation.
Get all the details and register here:
https://bettyringeisen.com/events/
